As Good As It Gets? Thoughts on Aging. And Pole Dancing.

When I was in sixth grade, I had a subscription to Seventeen magazine. The thing that has always amused me about Seventeen is that it's readership is entirely comprised of girls quite a bit younger than seventeen. In fact, once you reach the ripe old age of seventeen, you're *so* over it.

Anyway, I remember for a while they had a column about teenage girls who did amazing things! They featured a world-class cellist, an elite gymnast and a professional tennis player, among others. Apparently, this was supposed to inspire us? As in, see what girls your age are accomplishing?! And you're not! Yup. In sixth grade I pretty much just went to middle school. I played field hockey for a season, and sang in the Glee Club. That was it. It was interesting to read about those girls' lives, but it didn't inspire me. It kinda made me feel like a loser.

Fast forward thirty years and someone posted an article on Facebook about older people who do amazing things! A 63-year-old pole dancer! A 94-year-old professional dancer! WOW!

63-year-old pole dancer Greta Pontarelli
Image: dailymail.co.uk

The FB poster said:

"Age is Just a Number."

Technically, this is true. The article, which you can read here, says:

"But with negative stereotypes of aging in the media, it's hard not to associate growing older with nothing but aches, pains, feebleness, and lack of freedom and mobility."

I don't know... don't we tend to associate growing older with aches and pains because, well, growing older involves some aches and pains? I mean, really?

Of course, these people featured in the article are awesome. I love that they didn't let their age get in the way of trying something new and getting really good at it. Certainly taking up pole dancing is a better way to deal with bone density issues than popping Boniva. I'm twenty years younger and I'm writing this with a hot water bottle around my neck and she's perpendicular to a pole. I admit, I'm feeling like a bit of a loser. Though I personally can't imagine stripping down to my underwear and flying around a pole, at my age or any other... but that's just because... well, I blame being from Connecticut.

Why Are You Doing This?

The reason this article got me into a little bit of a twist is because of my *bleeping* shoulder injury. I'm doing my PT and icing and heating and stretching, and well, it's really not getting better. Yet. I'm wondering how much is reasonable to expect? 100%? 80%? Or is some iteration of this discomfort the new normal??

I saw a friend a couple of weeks ago and he was asking me about the Whole30 that I started on January 1st. He looked me right in the face and said, 'why are you doing this? Why are you restricting your eating so much? I'm worried you're not enjoying the freedom you have to... well... eat normally.'

I told him, my shoulder. That's why I'm doing it.

About Inflammation

Whole30 involves eliminating foods from your diet that can trigger inflammation, among other things, for a period of thirty days. Inflammation is the body's natural response to injury. It's why your ankle swells up when you sprain it. The swelling is part of the healing process. In an acute injury, like a sprained ankle, it's a good thing.

The problem occurs when inflammation is chronic. And systemic. Certain foods promote inflammation, like those high in omega-6 fatty acids. Omega-6s aren't bad, you need them, but most of us in the western world get way too much.

As I was reading up on the Whole30, I read many, many testimonials from people whose niggling tendonitis issues were dramatically improved with this, yes, quite restrictive way of eating. I suspect it might take longer than 30 days, and that's ok, I actually am not really minding eating this way, though I do plan to loosen things up on Friday when my term is officially up. Still, I would rather not eat pizza and have a happy shoulder. Truly.

But the whole thing has me thinking... what is reasonable to expect as we get older? My friend said something along the lines of, 'oh, we may have our creaky knees and aches and pains, but we can enjoy life in other ways.' He said this as he took a nice, long swig of wine.

He might be right... maybe this wonky shoulder is as good as it gets. Then I wonder... despite all my healthy living, will I be using one of those motorized scooters at the grocery store?

In that case, I might need to take up pole dancing.

Update on Kicking Joe to the Curb

Saturday was day 10 of my Whole30. Apparently, this is the 'hardest' of the 30 day paleo elimination diet which I (and scads of other people) started on new year's day.

Was it hard for me? Not really. In the evening I met up with some church friends for dinner, and there were indeed some yummy off-plan things: a scrumptious beef stew simmering on the stove (which contained wheat flour and beer), bread, cookies and much wine and song. And by 'song' I mean shrieking children. Chief among them, my own.

These foods looked good, but I was able to abstain without too much difficulty. I had brought a salad and some butternut squash soup to share and just had that. The hardest part was telling my hostess I wasn't going to have her yummy stew. I actually didn't even know I had successfully navigated the 'hardest day' until I checked Facebook this morning:

Post by Whole30.

For me, the first three days were the hardest, and that's because of coffee. Or the lack thereof. I stopped drinking coffee. I instagrammed my swan song:

Buh-bye, old friend (frenemy?) see you in 30 days? Maybe?? I'll miss you... More than you can ever know... #whole30

A photo posted by Stephanie Hsiang (@momsatthebarre) on Dec 31, 2014 at 4:11am PST

 When I announced my intention a couple of weeks ago, I said,

"Honestly, I don't even think it's the caffeine. I couldn't leave DS2's room the morning after Christmas, at least not without a veil of tears, so I didn't have my coffee until a good three hours after I woke up. I had a mild headache, but it wasn't really that bad. It's more the comfortable ritual of my warm, creamy cup."

Wow, apparently I don't know myself AT ALL. Here I was thinking I was just psychologically addicted, but whoa... withdrawl was *intense.* I was grumpy. I was tired. My head throbbed. My muscles ached. And pain killers didn't even touch it. I just had to gut it out.

Actually, the experience gave me great compassion for people addicted to more nefarious substances. I remember thinking, numerous times, 'I could just got brew a pot and this would all go away...' But I didn't. I stuck it out, and it is quite nice to be on the other side.

So if anyone's considering giving up coffee (and I don't blame you one little bit if you're not), here's my little pearl of wisdom:

Don't Go Cold Turkey

That's what I tried and it was a bad idea. I decided to switch to black tea with almond milk, which has 1/4 the caffeine of coffee. I'm drinking one cup in the mornings (which I often don't finish), so while I'm still technically consuming caffeine, it's WAY less than before. I'll work on getting off it completely at some point, but for now, this is working so I'm not going to rock the boat.

That one cup of tea takes the edge off. And it's warm, which is pretty key when it's 1 degree out. By day 4, I was back to my smiling, pleasant self. (Don't laugh.) But whoa... those first three? Not pretty. I actually feel a little badly about how negative I was about the Whole30 in my first post. My brother tweeted the following after reading it:

@StephanieHsiang I'm so glad I live nowhere close to you right now.
— Dave (@DaveH8sCrosby) January 2, 2015

I used to joke that coffee made me a better mother... maybe a better sister, too?

The Real Cause of Heart Disease

Recently I watched a few minutes of a documentary in which a very well-educated, eminent physician, who is also a vegetarian, told a story about how he knows meat is bad for us.

It's because of Norwegians.

Apparently, prior to World War 2, Norwegians had high rates of heart disease. In 1940, the Germans occupied Norway and conscripted much of their livestock, so naturally we can presume that meat consumption went down during the occupation. After the war, Norwegians resumed eating meat and rates of heart disease went back up.

Et voila! Eating meat causes heart disease! Or so says Dr. Eminent Whatshisname.

I'll admit this theory sounds somewhat compelling. Especially when it comes from a doctor who went to a designer university. But let's think about it some more.

Is it the meat?

I'm guessing Norwegians didn't have a lot of things under German occupation. Sugar, coffee, chocolate, refined flour, cigarettes, bananas and... nylon stockings!

Image: reddit.com

That's it! It's the nylons! Obviously, something was being absorbed transdermally from the nylons. Nylon causes heart disease.

Wait a minute--that can't be it. I'm guessing most men weren't wearing nylons, before or after the war, and men get heart disease. Add to that the fact that no one wears nylons anymore and people are still dying of heart disease. So scratch that.

So it must be... the BANANAS!

Image: fitnessandhealthadvisor.com

We know from Foyle's War that northern Europeans had access to bananas before the war.* And of course, bananas don't grown on trees in Norway. So that's it. It's the bananas!

***Stop eating bananas right now!!!!***

Of course, this is ridiculous. I think we're all pretty confident that bananas are not the cause of heart disease. But do we all see that isolating one type of food that has been consumed for a very.long.time--long before the 20th century heart disease epidemic--and calling it evil is kind of silly? Do we not recognize that the host of other foods that have been introduced into our diets might be more likely culprits than meat? How about margarine? Refined flour and sugar? Vegetable oils? Are we really going to vilify animal foods?

Certainly, someone might say, what does she know? She's just the barre mom. She has no formal education in this stuff. (And they would be entirely correct on that point.) Dr. Eminent Whatshisname is a doctor. A lot of people will hang on your every word if you have the letters 'MD' after your name.

I'm sure Dr. Whatshisname is a smart guy, and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not basing his position on meat entirely on wartime Norway. But when you tell a story like that in a documentary, and people see that MD, they are inclined to believe you. Even if, from a logical perspective, meat is about as likely to be the cause of heart disease as bananas.

*In the Bleak Midwinter episode. Edith is telling Milner they're going to get married after the war and eat bananas just like they did before it all started. Milner is massively hesitating.... Girls, please, if you mention marriage to a guy you've only been dating for three months and he hesitates, you're either freaking him out or he has a secret. It's not that he doesn't like bananas.

Whole *Bleeping* 30, Day 1

I've spent the past couple of days, with all my spare time, researching the Whole30 plan that I mentioned in my last post. You know, the butthead post.

I guess I'll begin by saying I didn't expect Whole30 to be all that complicated. Challenging, yes, but complicated? No, not so much. From what I understood, it was basically a squeaky-clean paleo elimination diet--whole, unprocessed foods. Organic, locally-sourced, meats and fish from properly raised animals. That sort of thing. No sugar of any kind, no grains, no dairy, no alcohol.

Honestly, that's pretty much how we've been eating. We do have soaked/sprouted grains and legumes from time to time and some dairy, but even my dairy consumption is pretty limited. I use it more as a condiment--cream in my coffee, maybe a little cheese or yogurt once in a while, but that's it. As I said in the butthead post, coffee without cream is basically not worth having, so if I'm giving up dairy, I'm giving up coffee, too. That would be, I anticipated, the most challenging aspect of the Whole30.

Now, I'm not too sure. After thoroughly reading the Whole30 website and forum, it might be dealing with...

The Rules

Oh my word, the rules!! There are so many stupid (*bad word) rules! The Hartwigs have taken great pains to parse out, in excruciating detail, all the 'thou shalls' and 'thou shalt nots' associated with this program.

For example, you can't have alcohol. Not even for cooking. Ok, that's fine. But the prohibition also extends to DIJON MUSTARD. There is wine in dijon mustard. I read this just as I was about to whisk a spoonful into a vinaigrette.

No vanilla extract, either. You know, because of the alcohol.

Ok, so they're trying to be consistent. I can dig it. But really?? Dijon mustard vinaigrette would deliver a minuscule amount of alcohol per serving. Still, I'll be a good little soldier and play the game. I have brown mustard in the fridge. I'll just use that.

Then there is the pancake rule.

No pancakes--even those made with approved ingredients.

Yeah. That's what I said.

This is what they call 'sex with your pants on.' As in, it might still be enjoyable, but it's not like the real thing. You won't be satisfied with it and you have to get over all your whacked-out issues with food, turning to food for comfort, etc.

So as kind of dumb (*bad word) as I think this is, it did hit home a little. I have come a long way on my issues with food, but once I got home from Christmas in the hospital and got the kids to bed, I went straight for the chocolates that my mother's colleague had given her. I only had three (maybe four?), which is a vast improvement on what I would have done LAST Christmas... and last Christmas didn't even involve a hospital. But still...

I did find all the rules terribly overwhelming, and some seem downright idiotic (*bad word.) But I can't deny all the amazing testimonials I've read about the Whole30. Better sleep, healing of niggling injuries, reversal of disease.... Really, in 30 days lots of people have seen dramatic improvements in their health and body composition.

Oh yeah, that brings me to another painful realization.

The Scale

The Hartwigs don't want you weighing everyday, or really at any point during the 30 days. I love them for this. But they do suggest weighing at the beginning and end. So I stepped on the scale this morning and found that I'm five pounds heavier than I was this time last year. And no, I'm pretty sure it's not fluid retention, or muscle. But thanks for the thought.

I am curious to see what this is going to do for me. I really didn't lose any weight giving up sugar (either with I Quit Sugar or The 21 Day Sugar Detox), or from my paleo experiment. Not that I really need to lose any weight, but I could lose a few pounds. I expect to lose those five new ones, but I'll be curious to see if I lose any more. And despite rest, ice, heat and physical therapy, my shoulder still bothers me. And my hip. And while my sleep has gotten a little better, there's definitely room for improvement.

The Whole30 demands 100% compliance.

You can read this woman's testimonial here

They're very firm on this point. So I'll be a trouper and follow the rules.

But I really want to say a bad word... one that rhymes with 'nutbread.' But that's not Whole30 compliant.

The nutbread, I mean.

"You Butthead," and Other Traditional Holiday Greetings

We got home from our Christmas travels yesterday. Everyone's asking, "how was your Christmas?!" Ah, it was pretty crappy, but thanks for asking!

Three-year-old Darling Son #2 had a seizure on Christmas morning.

Hospitals are not good places to spend Christmas. FYI.

It was absolutely terrifying. He was totally incoherent in the ambulance en route to the hospital. He finally perked up as the nurse was taking his rectal temperature--his eyes flashed open and he shouted, "I HATE THIS! YOU BUTTHEAD!"

On one hand, it was very reassuring. Our precious son spoke! A proper sentence! Subject and predicate! And so relevant to the task at hand!

On the other hand, our precious son just called someone A BUTTHEAD. That's so rude. Where did he even learn that word? I don't call people 'buttheads.' At least, not audibly.

Turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg. Over the next thirty hours, poor little potty mouth was poked, pricked and prodded such that anyone who walked in the room was verbally assaulted with whatever hateful vitriol he could come up with. All his 'bad words' were pressed into service, including, but not limited to, 'butt,' 'wiener,' 'stupid,' and 'idiot.'

I kept apologizing for his rudeness, assuring everyone that under normal circumstances, he really is a very sweet little boy! Truly! I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother. Other people think so, too. Except when catheters, blood pressure cuffs and pulse ox monitors are involved.

We did have to cut the DS2 some slack--it was a rough time, and quite frankly, when you're three and this cute:

You can get away with a lot.

Calculating Rudeness Tolerance
The whole thing got me thinking, what's the rudeness tolerance threshold for a grown woman giving up coffee? Because that, Lord help me, is what I'm about to do.

Kicking Joe to the Curb
I've been toying with the idea for a while. Mostly because I know I'm an addict. The thought of giving it up scares me. Last year, I put off getting blood drawn for months because it required a fasted state. I didn't mind not eating, but I minded not having creamy coffee when I woke up. I could have had it black, but ewww....

See, that's the rub--it's the cream. I don't take sugar and I never have. I like my coffee just like me--light and slightly bitter.

But the truth is, I often don't sleep well. And I have to admit, coffee has mastery over me. Should I really be enslaved to a beverage? Especially after I threw off the shackles of sugar earlier this year (which, by the way, I consider to be one of the best decisions I've ever made--right up there with marrying the Darling Husband.) I don't want to be enslaved to anything else.

Honestly, I don't even think it's the caffeine. I couldn't leave DS2's room the morning after Christmas, at least not without a veil of tears, so I didn't have my coffee until a good three hours after I woke up. I had a mild headache, but it wasn't really that bad. It's more the comfortable ritual of my warm, creamy cup.

But after Christmas and traveling and hospital food, I feel quite yucky. I'm feeling the need to do some sort of reset, and the great thing about doing it this time of year is that practically everyone else is doing one, too. There is an element of camaraderie. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

Whole30
This time, I'm toying around with doing Whole30, a paleo-type plan that involves eating pretty much any whole food (including fruit) and not eating the usual suspects (processed foods, alcohol, sugar,) as well as giving up grains and dairy.

I've given up grains before, but never dairy. I like dairy. I've never been a big milk drinker, but I like cheese and I *love* yogurt. But I can live without them for 30 days. It's the cream... oh dear.

Apparently I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Whole30 creators Dallas and Melissa Hartwig are pretty adamant that you follow the plan to the letter, and they have a tough love essay on their site, in which they tell us: "It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard." 

Oh. Ok. I guess if you put it that way...

So we'll see how it goes. I'm sure I'll blog about it. At least if I call you a 'butthead' you'll know why.

We Don't Need an IV Drip: A Holiday Art Show Rant

I just got another email from the PTO president from Darling Son #2's school--we still need people to bring refreshments for this morning's holiday art show!! I can't stop off to get refreshments. I have to take DS#1 to school before coming to the show. Stopping off at Dunkin' Donuts will get me to the show with only fifteen minutes to peruse my budding little artist's oeuvre d'art. I feel badly, though. Poor PTO president is doing a job I would never want to do in a million years. God bless her.

The whole thing got me thinking... why do we need refreshments at the holiday art show? It's 8.30 in the morning. Didn't everyone just eat breakfast? Why do we need food at every. single. function?

Back in October I went to the doctor. The practice treats children, too. As I was checking out at the desk, I noticed a plastic orange pumpkin filled with lollipops. Really?? We're giving out lollipops at the doctor's office? My kids get a lollipop at the barber shop, and somehow that doesn't bother me. I guess because it's just the barber. It's not a supposedly health promoting enterprise.

Later that week, I notice another health blogger has seen lollipops at the doctor's office and ranted about it, and I read the comments. Everyone agrees it's ridiculous to offer lollipops at the doctor's office, but one commenter says, "They should offer fruit!"

Certainly, fruit would be better, but why do they need ANYTHING!?? It's the DOCTOR'S OFFICE! It's not a restaurant! Why do we have to have food everywhere we go? It's everywhere.

People don't need to be hooked up to food and drink every waking hour of the day. I've been reading about this lately, and it's quite interesting. When we eat, our blood sugar rises. Especially when we eat carbohydrates. Elevated blood sugar is toxic (this is why diabetics have problems), so the body pumps out insulin to lower blood sugar. Then all is right with the world again. But if we eat constantly, over time, our bodies start sticking their metaphorical fingers in their metaphorical ears. Lalalala, insulin, I'm not listening! This is called insulin resistance and it's a precursor to diabetes.

We don't need to eat all the time. We really don't.

But the poor PTO president... everyone's sticking their fingers in their ears. LALALALA! I don't want to go to Dunkin' Donuts before the art show! So I tell her, I have clementines. Is that ok?

At least it's fruit??

Thoughts on Paleo

Ever since I first gave up sugar back in April, I've been learning more and more about the interesting and somewhat cultish world of Paleo living. I say 'living,' because while most people focus on the diet aspect, it really is a way of life. I'll admit, I was not favorably predisposed to Paleo from the start. It just seemed too restrictive, too isolating, too expensive.

For those unfamiliar with Paleo, it's a lifestyle that's meant to mimic our 'paleolithic ancestors'--before they settled down to grow crops, before sugar was processed down to neat little white cubes, before animals were husbanded, etc. Paleo typically eschews all grains, legumes, dairy and most sweets, but it's reach extends beyond the kitchen. Delve deeper into the Paleo world and you'll start slathering your body with coconut oil and doing CrossFit in the noonday sun in Vibram five-fingers. And maybe going to bed earlier than your kids.

Image: paleogp.com

Honestly, there is a lot of wisdom and good hard science in many of these practices. It just seemed like such a radical departure from normal life. How can people live this way?

Well, I decided to try it.

Over the summer I did a little Paleo experiment. I can't say I went whole-hog primal. There will be no oil-in-the-noonday sun for this very white girl with a history of skin cancer, but I did eliminate grains for a while. I whittled my dairy consumption to a splash of (grass-fed, raw) cream in my coffee. I took greater pains to source local foods. I read Paleo books and cooked from Paleo cookbooks and listened to Paleo podcasts. I went outside for limited periods without sunscreen and went to bed at sundown. I didn't trade the barre for CrossFit, but I still learned a lot.

Things I REALLY like about Paleo:

The emphasis on whole, real, unprocessed foods. This seems to be the heart and soul of Paleo, and it's wonderful. I think it's pretty safe to say that just about everything is better as close to it's natural state as possible--healthier and better-tasting. I have come to redefine what I even think of 'processed foods.' Truly, I suspect the lion's share of most people's health transformations on Paleo is due to ditching all the refined, processed foods.... even those we don't think of that way.

Learning to think outside the grain box.
I've really enjoyed making 'rice' from cauliflower, 'noodles' from zucchini and carrots, and putting sauce over spaghetti squash rather than actual spaghetti. Yes, it's more work than boiling a pot on the stove, but it also yields significantly more nutrients for far fewer calories. And speaking of calories...

I haven't even thought about calories. Once you remove grain and most sugars from your diet, you can pretty much eat your fill of what's left without fear of putting on weight. In fact, you might even lose some. There are lots of great Paleo cookbooks to help you put together some really delicious dishes.

Using the whole animal. Last time I talked about nose-to-tail eating, and it's is one of my favorite things about ancestral diets. And we don't have to go back far in history to find people using the whole animal. It really breaks my heart when I think of all the good food that has been wasted by our picky, fat-phobic society over the years. There are minerals in those bones! Crazy concentrations of nutrients in those organ meats and skin! We could probably end world hunger if only we could get back all the egg yolks that have been flushed down garbage disposals. Nose-to-tail is healthy and so efficient, all of which you become aware of when you are...

Buying local, quality, and yes, somewhat more expensive food. Paleo introduced me to far more high-quality food, all the nutritional benefits contained therein, and the advantages of getting it locally. So much of the food in our big supermarkets is not from local farms, which is hardly surprising given the short growing season in New England. But shipping food here from California is hardly sensible or efficient, nor is it likely to be especially fresh. I've been amazed how much longer the local produce lasts. I've actually stopped buying produce at all from Trader Joe's. So much of it has been spoiled, and they were selling cranberries shipped in from Wisconsin. Really?? Massachusetts is the largest cranberry producing state in the country, and we're getting cranberries from Wisconsin? Ridiculous!

Also, buying local contributes to the local economy and reduces fuel use. The farm from which we've been buying our milk estimates that 68 cents of every dollar spent at the farm goes right back into the local economy, versus only 14 cents for milk bought from the grocery store. Let's face it--no one running a small-scale local farm is getting rich. They do it for the love of it. I love supporting them, and getting fresher, better quality food.

Things I don't like about Paleo:

The Dogma. Like any movement, there is dissent in the paleo ranks. Some adhere rigidly to the most minute tenets of the faith, while others are open to a degree of wiggle room. I have pretty much no patience for the purists. I mean, that's fine if that's what they want to do, but I really don't care what cavemen ate. The idea that everyone should eat this way because we're not adapted to a host of common foods strikes me as absurd. My food landscape and way of life is so radically different from that of a caveman. I just can't get worked up over restricting myself to what cavemen ate. Or didn't eat. Which brings me to...

The Restriction. Yes, Paleo is restrictive. There is so much to eat on Paleo that you might not even consider, but you're still limited, far more so than I feel the need to be. As it turns out, there are very simple ways to prepare certain grains and legumes, making them both easier to digest and more nutritious, which I'll talk about another time. I find these preparations work great for our family. So why would we not expand our diets to include them? Maybe I'll revise my opinion on this point someday, but for now, I see no need to completely eliminate all grains or legumes.

Many of the Paleo authors and bloggers I've read have very dramatic stories of healing and wellness thanks to adopting a Paleo lifestyle. A lot of people have gotten their lives back--sometimes quite literally. I would strongly encourage people with digestive issues, autoimmune conditions or other health challenges to try Paleo for a couple of months and see how they do. It is a radical departure from the way most people eat, but it is doable, and there are so many great resources out there to help.

However, our family is mercifully very healthy. I do still limit our grain consumption, simply from a nutrient density perspective. I'd rather fill us up with lots of vegetables than grains, no matter how properly prepared they may be. But we do not struggle with digestive distress or any other particular condition. We can eat a wide variety of whole, unprocessed, properly prepared foods (yes, even beans and rice!) with no negative effects, and for that, I am very thankful! But I'm glad I tried Paleo. I've acquired a collection of great recipes that are now in regular rotation.

Has anyone else really given Paleo a fair shot? Any thoughts?