Whole *Bleeping* 30, Day 1

I've spent the past couple of days, with all my spare time, researching the Whole30 plan that I mentioned in my last post. You know, the butthead post.

I guess I'll begin by saying I didn't expect Whole30 to be all that complicated. Challenging, yes, but complicated? No, not so much. From what I understood, it was basically a squeaky-clean paleo elimination diet--whole, unprocessed foods. Organic, locally-sourced, meats and fish from properly raised animals. That sort of thing. No sugar of any kind, no grains, no dairy, no alcohol.

Honestly, that's pretty much how we've been eating. We do have soaked/sprouted grains and legumes from time to time and some dairy, but even my dairy consumption is pretty limited. I use it more as a condiment--cream in my coffee, maybe a little cheese or yogurt once in a while, but that's it. As I said in the butthead post, coffee without cream is basically not worth having, so if I'm giving up dairy, I'm giving up coffee, too. That would be, I anticipated, the most challenging aspect of the Whole30.

Now, I'm not too sure. After thoroughly reading the Whole30 website and forum, it might be dealing with...

The Rules

Oh my word, the rules!! There are so many stupid (*bad word) rules! The Hartwigs have taken great pains to parse out, in excruciating detail, all the 'thou shalls' and 'thou shalt nots' associated with this program.

For example, you can't have alcohol. Not even for cooking. Ok, that's fine. But the prohibition also extends to DIJON MUSTARD. There is wine in dijon mustard. I read this just as I was about to whisk a spoonful into a vinaigrette.

No vanilla extract, either. You know, because of the alcohol.

Ok, so they're trying to be consistent. I can dig it. But really?? Dijon mustard vinaigrette would deliver a minuscule amount of alcohol per serving. Still, I'll be a good little soldier and play the game. I have brown mustard in the fridge. I'll just use that.

Then there is the pancake rule.

No pancakes--even those made with approved ingredients.

Yeah. That's what I said.

This is what they call 'sex with your pants on.' As in, it might still be enjoyable, but it's not like the real thing. You won't be satisfied with it and you have to get over all your whacked-out issues with food, turning to food for comfort, etc.

So as kind of dumb (*bad word) as I think this is, it did hit home a little. I have come a long way on my issues with food, but once I got home from Christmas in the hospital and got the kids to bed, I went straight for the chocolates that my mother's colleague had given her. I only had three (maybe four?), which is a vast improvement on what I would have done LAST Christmas... and last Christmas didn't even involve a hospital. But still...

I did find all the rules terribly overwhelming, and some seem downright idiotic (*bad word.) But I can't deny all the amazing testimonials I've read about the Whole30. Better sleep, healing of niggling injuries, reversal of disease.... Really, in 30 days lots of people have seen dramatic improvements in their health and body composition.

Oh yeah, that brings me to another painful realization.

The Scale

The Hartwigs don't want you weighing everyday, or really at any point during the 30 days. I love them for this. But they do suggest weighing at the beginning and end. So I stepped on the scale this morning and found that I'm five pounds heavier than I was this time last year. And no, I'm pretty sure it's not fluid retention, or muscle. But thanks for the thought.

I am curious to see what this is going to do for me. I really didn't lose any weight giving up sugar (either with I Quit Sugar or The 21 Day Sugar Detox), or from my paleo experiment. Not that I really need to lose any weight, but I could lose a few pounds. I expect to lose those five new ones, but I'll be curious to see if I lose any more. And despite rest, ice, heat and physical therapy, my shoulder still bothers me. And my hip. And while my sleep has gotten a little better, there's definitely room for improvement.

The Whole30 demands 100% compliance.

You can read this woman's testimonial here

They're very firm on this point. So I'll be a trouper and follow the rules.

But I really want to say a bad word... one that rhymes with 'nutbread.' But that's not Whole30 compliant.

The nutbread, I mean.