Five Things I've Learned from My Injury

Gosh, I rant a lot, don't I? I probably sound like I'm an angry person, but I'm really not. Really. I'm generally pretty sanguine. I think sometimes I rant on my blog because I need an outlet, especially lately. But I'm sorry if I'm ranting too much. I'll try to be more cheerful.

That's my little darling in the hospital the day after Christmas.
He's pretty much always happy, even in the hospital at Christmas.  Love that about him. 

Part of the reason I've been ranting, though, is my &%*#! shoulder injury. (sorry... CHEERFUL!) Injuries are so annoying. I finally got around to getting an MRI. It turns out I have a rotator cuff tear. It's not a big one so it doesn't require surgery to repair it, but it's kind of extra messed up because I have loads of scar tissue and adhesions and infammation because I... well... waited too long to get it looked at.

So, in the interest of every-cloud-has-a-silver-lining/whenever-God-closes-a-door-somewhere-He-opens-a-window, etc, I'm going to share with you what I've learned from my injury:

1. Don't wait to see someone. This is my biggest regret and one I have resolved to remedy forthwith. My shoulder has been bothering me off-and-on for two years, but I never saw anyone about it because I was in St. Mother mode and I just did not prioritize my own health and well-being. It's not that you have to rush into the doc for every little ache and pain, but little aches and strains get better... and stay better. Bad things don't go away with a little ice and a rest. They might feel a little better, but then they come back. I should have figured that out sooner. My bad.
2. Sometimes, you need to take the drugs. I don't like taking drugs. I'd rather do pretty much any lifestyle change to avoid medication. I really do believe our bodies can often heal themselves with good food, appropriate movement, rest, etc... but sometimes, they can't. My doctor prescribed a pretty potent anti-inflammatory for me and whoa... can we say helpful?? Once we got the inflammation under control, things have gotten a lot better. I tried to do this with diet (remember the Whole &%#*!@ 30?) but it didn't work. I needed the drugs. Lesson learned.
3. I need movement like I need air and water. I knew this before, but after taking several weeks off from any lalala-producing exercise, I learned that while my closets are beautifully organized, I need to move. I need the movement. We were made to move. (No, a shoulder injury does not require total rest, but one doctor was concerned it might be disc-related and so suggested total rest for a while. Mercifully, not disc-related. Phew.)
4. The perfect really is the enemy of the good. It's better to modify the living daylights out of the workout and DO it, rather than not do anything at all. I modify now. A lot.
5. Functionality trumps aesthetics every.single.time. I believed that before, but whoa, I really believe it now. You can be cute as a button, but if you can't move and live pain-free and get all your stuff done, all the cuteness is the world is like dust in the wind.

So those are my deep thoughts for the day. I've also been exploring some very interesting recovery techniques that I am excited to share with you (CHEERFUL!), but I'm off the Bar Method. I'm going to do pushups against the barre with my head held high.

What I Learned from a Pen

I think I've mentioned before that Darling Son #2 is visually impaired, among other quirks like being obsessed with elevators. Because of his vision, we are hooked in with the wonderful Perkins School for the Blind in Watertown, Massachusetts. Perkins hosts a conference annually for families with children under age 7. We attended for the first time two years ago. The conference features workshops on many topics, including fostering independent living skills and making multi-sensory toys to stimulate your child-with-visual-impairments-and-other-disabilities (people-first language! No matter how annoyingly cumbersome it may be!)

The first year we went, the conference was titled 'Taking Care of Our Children, Taking Care of Ourselves.' They gave us a pen:

I came home all fired up, filled with ideas on how to better mother my child-with-low-vision-and-other-disabilities-who-is-obsessed-with-elevators (because you need to talk about your child as more than having disabilities. I'm told this is very important.) I decided I needed to let him fall down more and made him a rattle out of an old plastic bubble container and whole cloves. I was going to be a great mother. I was going to use our spice rack to help him reach new heights. Yay!

Meanwhile, I was a mess. I hadn't slept in years. I was so bad at sleeping I didn't even want to go to bed, so I stayed up pfaffing around on the internet. I drank too much coffee, I binged on cookies. I still exercised, but I was so tired I didn't enjoy it and I ached. I hadn't been to any doctor (including the dentist) in years, except for the obstetrician. In fact, I didn't even have a doctor.

One day, I looked at the pen. Taking care of our children; taking care of ourselves. I had the first part down. My children were thriving! Growing like weeds! I even taught Darling Son #1 to read at the tender age of 3! The second part? Not so much, and as a result, I was long on tasks and short on patience. Yes, they were fully-immunized, hale and hearty, and one was even literate, but I was snippy with them. For all the tasks, I was falling short with the most important things. I felt bitter and resentful and put-upon. I was self-care deficient, and in the end, it trickled down to them.

I realized I needed to take care of myself as well as I took care of them. And so I made a list of things I didn't hesitate to do for them:

1. I feed them reasonable portions of whole, healthy food.
2. I don't let them binge on cookies.
3. I put them to bed at a reasonable hour.
4. I make sure they get outside and run around everyday. Which, by the way, was *play,* not a forced march.
5. I take them to the doctor for regular check-ups, and I make sure they're up-to-date on immunizations.
6. I make sure they have social time with their little friends.
7. I read to them everyday, including Bible stories.

Why didn't I do these things for myself? Partly because I was lazy. Partly because I had bought into the idea that mother = martyr. But taking care of ourselves is not selfish. I've talked about this before. We can't give from an empty cup. A friend of mine, a mother of three young boys, celebrated her birthday recently. Her husband wrote on her Facebook page, 'Happy birthday to my lovely wife. You hold this whole thing together.' How true--that's what we do, isn't it? We hold it together, but we can't do that if we fall apart in the process.

Little by little, I started implementing these disciplines into my own life. I also listed intangibles, like wanting to be more patient, modeling appropriate reactions, keeping my temper in check, and the like. Those became significantly easier once I tended to my own physical, social and spiritual needs.

Are you a person-who-is-self-care-deficient? Whether or not you're a woman, whether or not you have children, would you mother yourself? Would you like to borrow my pen as a reminder?

Why Barre is Great Exercise for Mothers... and Others!

My sister-in-law was just safely delivered of a little baby girl! I'm an auntie again! There is another wee one for me to love and watch grow up, yet I won't have to potty train her! Being an aunt is great!

This blessed event has caused the Darling Husband and I to reflect on the days following our boys' births. The joy... the exhaustion... and the terror of you're-not-actually-going-to-send-him-home-with-us?? Darling Son #2's birth was particularly exciting. There were some significant complications that led to his delivery via vertical C-section, which is more invasive than the usual kind. It was absolutely the right decision. I shudder at how he impaired he would be if he had gone through the birth canal... but basically, the doctor filleted me to get him out safely, and I still feel the effects of it.

Two days old in the NICU.



Overnight I went from having a very strong abdominal wall to no core strength. For a long time after I couldn't sit up without pulling myself forward with my arms, which caused shoulder and upper back pain. My hip flexors took over some of the jobs my abs should have been doing. After a while, I couldn't get out of a chair without searing pain in my hip.

My boy continued to grow, consistently scratching the ceiling of the growth charts, but his condition has resulted in significant developmental delays, meaning he had to be carried, lifted and assisted for many tasks other kids his age learned to do on their own. This translated to a lot of lower back pain for me, since I didn't have the core strength to support him.

I had worked out all throughout my pregnancy and, after the initial recovery period, I resumed my weights/cardio/circuit workouts. I was still plagued with aches and pains. I tried some new workouts, and they only made things worse--more aches and pains, plus I developed an agonizing foot condition, plantar fasciitis. I could barely walk on top of everything else. In short, I was a mess.

I had started doing Physique 57 DVDs during my pregnancy and loved them, but after I hadn't done them with enough consistency to see marked benefit. When DS2 was 15 months old, I decided to undertake one of their rigorous monthly challenges--30 to 90 minutes of Physique, six days a week. I got up early and did it first thing in the morning before anyone else was up. Sometimes this meant as early as 4am, but I was determined.

By the end of that first month, my plantar fasciitis was completely healed and my other discomforts had subsided significantly. I could get up and down with ease! My hip flexor pain was greatly reduced, my posture was better and my back didn't hurt anymore.

People are often asking me about my 'results' from barre. Really, I get emails regularly about this, and I'm realizing most people want to hear about pounds and inches lost. Yes, I lost some pounds and inches, but what I gained was far more than that--I can get up out of a chair! I hop out of bed in the morning like I did when I was a child! I feel my core switch on when I need to lift or shift my nearly 40lb. child! Do you have any idea how wonderful this is?? Honestly, I get misty when I think about it. Barre gave me my body back. This is why I am so passionate about it.

So what is it about barre? Here are a few reasons why it's great for mothers... and others:

Barre workouts are very core-focused. I learned the hard way that a weak trunk sets you up for all kinds of problems. If your core isn't up for the task, your body will call on other muscles to pick up the slack--muscles that weren't designed to do what you're asking of them. A good barre workout will work your abdominals from start to finish, and will include back strengthening exercises as well. Even if you aren't strong enough to do some of the movements at first, getting into proper position and holding it will recruit those core muscles and begin to strengthen them. I'm still not quite where I was before I had DS2. I don't know that I'll ever be, but my core strength has significantly improved.

A little bit goes a long way. It's hard to make time for workouts when you have small children, but I find even doing just a little bit of a DVD yields big dividends. Sometimes I'll do the warm-up/arm section and that's all I can get in before an interruption. I'll go back later and do the thigh section, then maybe seat or abs after that. Whatever I can get in is time well-spent.

Barre is posture/alignment focused. Pregnancy and caring for small children is hard on your posture. Carrying weight on your front (be it from pregnancy or carrying a small person around) can cause your shoulders to round and your back to arch. Good form is key, and a good barre workout will develop postural muscles and have you standing straighter throughout the day.

The stretching! Barre workouts incorporate a lot of stretching. I know I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. Stretching muscles after strength work results in greater strength gains, not to mention the obvious benefit of improved flexibility and feeling-great-ness. Love the stretching!!

Minimal equipment! Nothing can replace the awesomeness of a live class with a knowledgeable instructor, and I suggest everyone take a live class from time to time. But there are many great barre videos that offer good form pointers, and most use little to no equipment. AND, these workouts are usually performed without shoes, which is great if you have small people who are sometimes quite literally underfoot.

Lastly, barre is no-impact. I don't mean low impact--I mean no impact. This is a great blessing when you have relaxin coursing through your body. Relaxin is the hormone that allows the uterus and pelvis to accommodate the baby during childbirth. It remains as long as you are breastfeeding and makes your joints feel loose. It's a weird sensation, and any impact exercise just didn't feel good to me. A challenging barre workout can give you some great intensity without jarring your already wonky joints.

Mercifully, the DS2 is doing great. He started walking last summer (Praise God and all His cherubim and seraphim!) and is learning to climb in and out of carseats, chairs, etc. He is a joy and a delight, and absolutely worth all it took to have him. And he loves barre! He says, 'Let's do workout,' and has co-opted the kitchen towel rack as his barre.

I'm never going to be able to keep a towel there again...

It's Not OK to be Selfish

When is the last time you felt guilty for taking the time to brush your teeth? How about flossing? Taking a shower? Anyone?? For the overwhelming majority of people, the answer to these questions is, "never."

Then why is it that many people seem to feel they are being selfish for taking time to exercise?

I'm asking this because I am noticing more and more exercise people giving us little pep talks about the need to be 'a little selfish' and get in some exercise. For example, I recently read the following on the Pure Barre website: "Make this hour about you. Arrive a few minutes early to get set up and ready your mind and body for one hour where you can let everything else go. Keep your phone out of sight, out of mind. You spend so much time worrying about everyone else, this is time for you to be selfish!"

Now, I don't mean to pick on Pure Barre, because I really like them. Pure Barre runs many barre studios throughout the United States and, in my experience, they're really good. But they are just one of many who repeat the 'it's ok to be selfish' thing. They say it's important for your health and well-being, and that you will have more to give to the people in your life if you are healthy and well.

Regarding the latter bit, I couldn't agree more. I see exercise as an essential component of self-care. To me, it's like brushing my teeth. I could go a day without some movement, but I'd rather not. Just like not brushing my teeth, it's yucky. It doesn't make me feel good. This doesn't mean I go all-out, everyday. I have easier, rest/recovery days, but I always try to get in some movement. I'm creaky if I don't.

The former bit, however, the part about 'it's time for you to be selfish' makes me crazy. Why are we trying to re-define selfishness? It is not ok to be selfish. Selfishness is a bad thing. Being selfish means you're putting your own wants before other people's needs. It's a lack of consideration for others. Getting in some exercise, being clean, brushing your teeth, eating a nutritious meal when you're hungry--these are all things you need to be well, both physically and mentally. I cannot fathom why the word 'selfish' has any association with these things.

Can exercise be selfish? Certainly. If you're tossing Goldfish crackers to your hungry kids so you can workout for two hours, I'd call a foul on that. If you're neglecting people and things you really need to do so you can exercise, then yes, maybe you're being selfish. But walking a couple of times around the block to clear your head and move your body while your spouse bathes the kids? Learning to say, 'I've done enough today' at the office to get a little exercise? Turning off the computer to get in a workout a few times a week? Wise, not selfish.

The thing about selfishness is that, really, anything can be selfish--even acts that appear remarkably selfless. Let's say Suzie Homemaker irons everything her family wears. She makes everything from scratch, and includes sweet little notes in her children's lunchboxes. Suzie is room mother and den mother. She's everywhere and everything... serving everyone at every turn. This all seems so blessedly selfless, doesn't it? My goodness, Suzie is so dedicated and giving to her lovely family... and if Suzie is truly doing this out of love for her people, then by all means, Suzie--fire up your iron. But maybe Suzie is doing this so everyone will notice what a wonderful Mrs. Homemaker she is. Maybe Suzie is doing it for praise or admiration. In other words, Suzie is doing it for herself--not to bless her family.

Now imagine Suzie is wheezing on her way up the stairs with all those crisp, starched shirts. Her body aches. She's worn out at the end of the day. She's becoming increasingly snippy towards her people. Even with all that ironing, Suzie isn't really getting a lot of challenging movement, especially since Mr. Homemaker gave her that super lightweight iron for Christmas last year. (Mr. Homemaker should know better than to give his wife an iron and try to pass it off as a gift. I'd say that's a pretty crappy gift, but that's just me.)

So really, aren't we going to encourage Suzie to take care of herself? Isn't that in the best interest of Suzie's whole family? Aren't we going to tell Suzie that it isn't selfish to get some exercise? Because really, Suzie's holding everyone together and if she falls apart, they're all going to suffer. And walk around very wrinkley... at least until Mr. Homemaker starts pumping a little iron himself.

We could substitute the Homemakers with office workers, charity workers, you name it--the result is the same. Taking care of yourself enables you to take care of others, to do what you're called to do. And really, it doesn't take a lot of time to reap the benefits of exercise. Just a few minutes here and there can yield major dividends. This is why I talk about working movement into your day, because not everyone is able (or maybe willing) to devote big chunks of time for exercise. But it's important, just like brushing your teeth.

Let's not try to parse out 'a little bit' selfish from 'a lot' selfish. It's all bad. After I've gotten a little exercise, I move more freely, I'm more relaxed and patient with my small people. That's not selfish, not even a little bit.